Hi Along...
You asked me why I have not divorced my A. Well I was fired up and ready as rain before had the seizure. We were into the whole divorce proceedings. I also must mention that I was married for 20 years to another A, father of my children.
I think I am a bit of a damaged person myself, raise in a home with a step a parent who was an A too...I have some issues with getting real close to men.
Besides that...the seizure was a turning point. He asked me to help with his in house patient rehab recovery and I did...not totally willing... but I did. I saw him in a differnt light then...and we talked for the first time in years.
I am not sure if I will stay married to my A. He has to prove himself to me. This will take time and then I still know that nothing is for sure and he could relapse! I find that I go up and down how I feel about him. I DO feel jealous if I even think there could be another woman....!
I do know that I feel safe with him..he does have a very kind side to him.He has been thre for me many times when I really needed him. I still think he is attractive and charming. I also know he loves me very much. I see him working on this program like nothing he has ever done before...but it took him to hit his bottom before he changed.
I know my family will go nuts if I go back with him...but that is for me to deceide. I am tired of living my life for everyone else. Some of theior choices are not that great : )
Right now I have no interest in dating....none. I just want to get through the holidays...with peace this year.
We, all feel like fools with these guys, embarassment is our middle names......I got sick of it.. and "HE" felt my rath.
I am just going to play out this hand for a time...and see what happens...............one day at a time.
Love Kitty