Just need to let you people know that today was one of the most peaceful days that I have had in the last 2 months. Your messages were soooooo comforting. Now, please tell me how to deal with the lies, control, sympathy, and everything else that an alcholic son sends my way. We usually end short coversations in a confrontational manner. I read one of these messages here that said you should try and act like nothing has happened. I find that sort of enabling. On Christmas Eve, we had planned that he would come to our house, we would go to church, then come home and he would spend the nite w/us and be with us for Christmas morning. First time in over 15 years. (I finally felt that I was getting my son back). So I really was excited and planned, planned, and planned. Well he showed up 45 minutes b/4 church started--stoned. He asked me "what did you do all day" I replied "waited for you." He became very defensive. I began to cry and he said "this is too stressful" and left. As he walked down my driveway carrying a duffle bag, my heart was very heavy. Needless to say there were more tears that evening and next morning to the point that I could hardly put one foot in front of the other and meet and greet other family members. How can you act as though nothing was wrong. I did not want him in my house stoned!!!!! Also is it hard to not want to buy him groceries when you know he is using his money for "other things?" I know that is enabling, but gosh, it is so hard. I really don't know how to have a conversation w/him. My heart skips a beat when the phone rings and it's him. Can anyone give me some tips? I can't believe the encouragement I have gotten from you people--in only 1 day!!!