Originally Posted by EndGameNYC

It's like returning to an abusive spouse or lover. "This time will be different." "This time he'll really love me." "This time he'll change for me." "This time, I'll leave before things get out of control." "This time, I'll take better care of myself." "This time, he'll only beat me up five days instead of seven." "This time, I won't keep it a secret. Being honest about it makes it better. Right?"

This type of clinging behavior is the result of an intermittent schedule of reinforcement, first observed in animal studies, and endemic to abusive relationships of all kinds. The pigeon continues to hit the lever that dispenses food pills, despite only delivering one out of say a hundred times. The one or two times that we actually get what we want overshadow all the pain, abuse and suffering we bring upon ourselves, and which has become the norm. So we stay attached, always hoping for that brief moment of relief or pleasure, only to further damage ourselves the rest of the time, right up until the moment when there is virtually nothing left of us to feel relief.

While you're distracting yourself with moderating, your life is passing you by. If this were anything less than a life-and-death struggle, I'd have no need to be so serious about it.