Originally Posted by
Sueski 
I think I'll end up a healthier and more whole person if I keep working these issues.
My XABF knew I had a fairly short fuse, and that his crazy, false, paranoid accusations would start me "yelling" bc of how crazy they were, which would lead to him accusing me of acting violent (the yelling), which was another excuse for the drinking. What a disgusting, pointless scene THAT was.
A trick that worked for me, in addition to the quick dismissive responses suggested above, was to purposely keep my voice very low and quiet. Kind of a zen-master thing that prevented further escalation or engagement, and helped keep a lid on my "fire".
This self awareness is proving very helpful in all areas of my life now, which is part of the silver lining you mention above...