After reading sukis post it reminds me of my own situation... At the beginning of this summer I was 90 days sober and starting to think boy I think moderation might be the key. I was at a BBQ everyone was drinking except myself and the hubs (13 years sober). I was trying to talk him into my thinking process trying to break him down saying, it is never going to get that way again promise!!! He said if you want to drink than drink have 1 or 2 drinks. I sat there and thought about it. Sure I could agree to that but I knew in the back if my mind I'd probably slip off to the kitchen to chug a sneaky few while no one was looking. His suggestion of moderating drinking made me feel like i would be a dog on a leash. Sure he's take me for a walk but id have to heal, sit, stay, and stay by his side not run free from my 6 foot leash. I know id blame and recent him for not "allowing" me to drink how i wanted too. I decided not to drink that day or any day since. I'm 5 months sober now. And know moderation isn't for me.
I really hope you find some peace with all this. I think abstinence seems much more peaceful then trying to drink moderately!