Hi Jeepin,
I'm back after about a year of being mostly sober. I just got back into drinking again in the last few weeks. I'm really hating it. Tomorrow I'll start my day 1 sober again. For the last time, I really mean it.
I know it's hard, when you've been sober awhile, to start thinking you don't have a problem anymore, that you can and will drink only drink a few. You've been sober awhile now, you know how to mange it, right? But you don't. If you're like me, the first drink will lead you back into your previous drinking patterns. I've experienced this. Over the last few weeks of drinking I'm back to my normal pattern of 3-4 days a week or more drinking 6 -12 drinks each time.
I'm really not happy with where I am right now. I thought it would be only the once, I really did. But that craving for alcohol kicked right back up in my head. I thought I could control it, that my sober time helped me, but just one drink lead me back to where I started.
I hope this can be of some help to you. If you're an alcoholic, and I definitely am even if my drinking is not to the extremes yet, one drink is poison. One drink will take you back to where you started.
I think I'm still struggling with accepting I'm an alcoholic, even now. When I drink I can't control it. I ALWAYS want more. If that's you, you're probably in the same boat I'm in. I CAN'T control it after I have that first drink. So I need to not have that drink.
So I'm planning on being sober now. I'm happier and more productive when I'm sober. Hope that will be you too. Join me in sobriety! It's better than everything.