Funny, you sound like my wife - she is not committing to the totality of sobriety but seeing the changes and how affects her. The AA thing makes it a bit more permanent in terms of surrenddering to your addictions and a higher power - knowing you cannot ever drink again. I am struggling with this and I think its why its making this much more difficult - I am being tortued by this move. 99% of the time I was fine then that last 1% I was out of control and involved in some scary stuff + drugs started to creep in X, blow, ritalin, adorall.
I am down 6lbs in 10 days and pysically getting back on the horse. I am sure that my continued sobriety will lead to a healthier fitter body and mind. I am struggling with the fact that I am not sure I will enjoy life the same. I enjoyed a glass or two of nice wine at dinner. One or two or even three or four Vodka and diet sprites or margarittas on my patio while grilling and wathcing the kids run around our yard. Having a bender at home with my wife and dancing a talking till 3 in the morning - all of this is appealing and don't want to give it up.
What I can't conitnue is doing lines off of some random girl in a strip club or driving after a few at 180mph, which is why I am reevaluating my life.