He kept wondering last night why I wouldn't say I love you back or kiss him. I told him I didnt want anything coming out of my mout that I wasnt 100% sure about and told him how I'm not happy anymore. When he tried to ask what he could do to make me happy I told him I dont think he can. I ment that its the part of me that I'm responsible for making happy...but he started crying anyway.
CRYING GETS ME. Really bad. I told him how I'll try to, and how I'll go to an Al-Anon meeting, but that it's not going to be able to bounce back to normal like a rubberband. I explained to him that I don't feel safe with him right now and to a point, he almost scares me. He kept saying over and over that he'll change, he'll do whatever he needs to do to keep me in his life...
I told him I don't want him to change for me, he needs to decide to change for himself. He took yesterday and Tuesday off work to "think" so next paycheck is going to be fun when he is missing those hours plus Monday for Labor Day.
He keeps saying I am the best thing that has ever happened to him and I fully believe that because his life was so ****** before I met him. After I told him how he hadnt apologized for putting his hands on me he did. He said thats what the flowers were for. Well I love daisies but that doesnt fix anything. He said he is willing to go to AA.
Sigh.....Ugh why must life be so difficult.