Well, it's taken me 9 months but I've finally got 2 months of continuous sobriety! It really is unbelievable that I've gone 2 months without a drink. I don't think I've done that since I started drinking regularly, let alone alcoholically. 13 or 14 years of alcohol being my master -- even when I wasn't drinking, I knew the next drink wasn't far away.
And now -- 60 days without a drink. I believe this is literally a miracle sent from the God I believe in, because I'm a hopeless, raging alcoholic, drunk, lush whatever you want to call it. It was impossible for me to stop drinking. My own mother said to me that I wouldn't be able to stop drinking. And yet here I am, sober -- the impossible became possible.
So I really just wanted to give hope to all the other newcomers here. I decided to quit on New Year's Day this year, but ended up drinking. I decided to quit the next day, but drank. I decided to quit the day after, but drank. I managed to get 21 days together, then drank. I started regularly attending AA meetings and started the steps, got 44 days and drank. I came back, restarted the steps, got 55 days and drank -- that started a 6 week binge where I would get a few days there, a week here, but then always go back to drinking.
And now - 2 months sober and feeling much more solid in my sobriety than I did the other times. What worked for me this time was truly committing myself to my program of recovery and deciding that I truly wanted to get sober more than I wanted to get drunk. I've woken up each morning and made the decision not to pick up that first drink and not to change my mind. Whenever that voice in my head starts, the one that I've used as an excuse to drink time and time again this year, I remember that it's my AV because I've already decided that I'm not going to drink again.
Once you decide you're not going to drink today, there are no more decisions to make.
The one thing I've kept doing throughout this on-and-off year was keep coming back. Sometimes it was all I could do. I kept coming back to SR, kept coming back to AA. No matter how many day 1s you've had and are having, keep coming back to SR and to any other recovery methods you're using.
Thank you, SR, for not giving up on me when I was close to defeat. Thank you all for your insightful posts and threads and just being here whether you post or not. Thank you for your friendship, your warmth and compassion, your presence. Thank you for keeping me sober for 60 "todays" in a row. I honestly can't believe it.
I'm so looking forward to the rest of my sober life, one day at a time. Even though life still has its ups and downs, this is so much better than I could have ever imagined in a billion years.
