Welcome back S
No, you're not an idiot- I'd imagine, new life, new partner - noone wants to be different or look different, it would have been easy to fall for the siren song.
I really believe tho that alcoholism is for keeps. There's no remission, no going back.
Those times when we do manage to drink responsibly are good luck not good management.
Unfortunately it's those few times that we remember over the many many bad times when we did not manage so well.
You did well the last time you were here - I can't see why you can't do well again
D