Things only got worse!
It's been over 2 years since I posted anything here. And about 5 years ago, I was a rather active member on here under a different username. Well, I'm back...
I never got into trouble as a teenager. In fact, my first drink was on my 21st birthday. Drinking just never interested me. A bad break up in college caused me to make new "friends", which led to a few beers here and there, which eventually led to more than a few beers here and there.
I'd drink every night in my early 20s, wake up and start again. It was always with friends. I guess you could say I lived in a bit of a party house and having more beer in the fridge than food was considered "normal".
I ended up drinking too much and skipping my morning classes. I ended up leaving school and joining the military. During the 6 months of basic training, I wasn't allowed to drink at all and this didn't bother me one bit. But then I got stationed in Germany, where the beer flows like a river. I began drinking every night, once again with friends. I never missed work the next day and was just "having a good time in Germany".
THEN, I came home on leave. My "friends" threw me a party. These same "friends" brought some drugs. Long story short, I drank too much, experimented with some drugs, and ended up getting pregnant.
I didn't drink at all during my pregnancy. But soon after my son was born, I went right back to the beer. I was living with my parents at the time and could very easily go out at night to "socialize".
I ended up getting into a long term relationship and moving out. I quickly found out that I couldn't go out as often anymore and began drinking at home. First, it was just a beer with dinner. Then it became a six pack, then a twelve pack. My partner thought I might have a drinking problem. I didn't think so. I had a great job, never missed work, could pay all of my bills....how in the world did I have a problem???
So just to prove a point, I quit drinking for almost 2 years. It was easy actually, but didn't make me feel better one way or another. So eventually, I decided that moderation would be fine. I'd just go back to drinking with friends.
THEN I got promoted. My new title required that I "take clients out to lunch". I had no idea what I was getting myself into. You'd be AMAZED at how many of these business men/women LOVE getting a beer/glass of wine with lunch. So now, instead of drinking at home alone, I was drinking during the day! I'd be half in the bag by the time I'd leave at 5pm and go home to pick up my son. Then I'd stop at a liquor store and grab more booze and continue to drink at home.
Eventually, I cracked up my car. Thankfully, I didn't get arrested, but I should have. My partner convinced me to quit drinking again, and I did...for a few months. But this time around, I really WANTED to drink. It wasn't easy. I eventually started hiding booze. Drinking at work anyway, and then trying to cover up the smell. I would look forward to when my partner would go away for a night or two because it meant I could drink freely whenever I wanted. Drinking became a hobby. I had regular hiding places for booze and began getting anxious when it wasn't around. I'd start drinking early on the weekends and snap at my son if he needed attention or help.
I left the relationship I was in (unrelated to drinking) this past summer and moved back home with my parents. The drinking continued. I began relying on my parents at night to watch my son again and would go out more often then not. A few weeks ago, I got arrested for OUI.
$5000 later, I still don't have a license. I may end up losing my job over all of this. I swore up and down that getting arrested was rock bottom and I wouldn't drink again. However, I've been drinking just about every single night and hiding the bottles in my room. Last night, I got so drunk, alone, watching TV that I don't even remember going to bed.
I've gotten into accidents, spent a lot of money, gotten arrested, ignored my son, dropped out of college....all due to drinking. I definitely have a problem.
I'm proof that things only get worse when you meddle with the poison. I'm back on the wagon this time and serious about making a change.
Sorry for the long post, but it felt good to write my story out.