No I am thanfully not an alcoholic. I have always had a fear of becoming one with my family history. I thought even social drinking was bad and a few times here and there I got drunk and felt miserable, but I really liked it too. I know it could and would go that way for me if I let it and so I never ever will.
Thank you for the Kudos POAndrea, My daughter always comes first. My ex is bitter that I won't let him be around her. I told him if he were to stop drinking for at least six months we could try, But he cannot or will not do it.
I WILL NEVER let her grow up the same way I did. And she is happy, and perfect and the only thing I hide from her is my tears.
Tears for the failure that I am for not giving her more than just me.
I am strong and I know I am brave to do this life alone, but I have been single this whole time e ven when we were together I was alone.
I am giving her the childhood that I never had. <3 and so very lucky and thankful to do so. I saw the red flags and got out of their as fast as I could, But it's so painful for me still.
He does have a good heart deep down. But I could never trust that he wouldn't do so harm while abusing. As far as I go, I grew up with an alcoholic mum and I'm pretty solid as far as what I can handle. Unfortunately I grew up to be a "fixer" because of her clearly...I didn't speak with her for three years and then finally reached out and accepted her the way she is. However, I do not let her around my child when she is using and trust me I can tell just by her tone or the way she breathes over the phone if she is. That is also painful. But I am thankful for my strength. It's a lonely life. So what to do? Continue seeing him do this for the next year when my little one is away or make a clean break?
Either one is going to hurt like hell, it already does.