Originally Posted by
Lookinfareason 
I know deep down it is not me, I do so very deeply want to believe in a miracle for him. I think that is why I am here.
I don't want to be his reason for quitting. I'd be a fool to think that, but I do want him to not die of this. Is that so wrong? I just feel so helpless.
As far as going to AA: Are you yourself an alcoholic? If not, AA is not the place for you. Alanon is for the family and friends of alcoholics. There really is no point in "understanding the what and why and how"; you still can't get him sober. All you can do is work on YOUR "what and why and how."
Addressing the quotes above: You are SO RIGHT, it is NOT you, and thank heavens you have that knowledge!
Don't worry, you WON'T be his reason for quitting. If he decides to quit, it will be for HIMSELF. Nothing wrong with wanting him not to die of it. Everything wrong with thinking you can have an effect one way or the other.