Raider don't beat yourself up. My guess is you will have ups and downs and relapses along the way. The key, as I understand it is not just getting dry...this is step one, but changing the psychy and the surrendering is sort of the key.
I can't focus on my wife right now, I need to get a sober and clean mind before I tackle some of these bigger issues. I am guessing around a couple or a few months I will either inspire her to make a change or not. At that point I can decide what to do and that choice will be pretty clear if I take emotions out of the decision.