No, I not blame Trader Joe’s. 
I think I has no resolve. Is like my addictions is German sports car on autobahn at 130mph and my resolve is tiny speed bump in road. Yes, there is strong deep kernel of hope and motivation inside me, and I so want to give birth to this, and I push and I push. But there also powerful indoctrination and override toward status quo and using.
What a great analogy ---- when this is behind you, you will have one amazing book to write. Just put it on your calendar---in my prayers, you are!