The hardest thing to do is nothing at all. The most painful place to exist is in the present.
I am 21 years old, so I can't say that I can completely relate to what you're experiencing. I have simply not been there yet. I have been in your husbands shoes, however. I became homeless as soon as I was an adult because of my behavior. Before that my mom had me arrested because of my behavior. It tore her up. She hated to do to me what she did. I will never truly know the pain that I have caused in the lives of those around me. But what my mom did for me was the absolute best thing that I could have done. Without my safety net I was forced to go it alone. Completely alone. I fell flat on my face a few times, then I got help. I recognize powerless. I recognize good intent until that first drink. I have been there, and no one thing or person caused me to no longer be there. It finally hurt enough for me to not want to be there enough for me to get help in staying away from that life.
I hope my experience might help in some way.