Welcome LMM....so sorry it's not under the best of circumstances.
My ex husband and a previous partner had alcohol and drug issues, so I can relate to that feeling of helplessness. I myself have years later gone on to have drinking problems myself, so have seen both sides of the fence.
I found ALAnon a great support, even just to sit in the meetings and understanding that you aren't alone. I also came to realise that I was powerless to control someone's addiction. With counselling, I came to realise I had 2 choices....work on my marriage (which he was not showing interest or steps in doing) or get on with my life. As hard as it sounds, your post below may be correct, but you also have a life to live too, and should not feel bad about that.
He can safely undergo withdrawal via rehab, he seems scared to do so. The lies don't make it any easier. Sending you hugs at this time.
Originally Posted by
LosingMyMind 
To be honest I do not know what is available out there or what will be the best for anyone right now. I feel sick I am so worried that I am losing my man and my self.
I am planning to go and see my councillor asap but I feel sick at the thought that it could already be too late and he is lost to me forever.