cuppycakes

I just wish I could sleep.

I spent my day cleaning up and taking inventory of my messes from the last month or so of non-stop drinking. It's not great. My kids are pissed and hurt, my friends nowhere to be seen, my farm is in disrepair and neglect. I should have my winter starts sprouted and be preparing for putting fall crops in the ground. Instead I have massive piles of overgrown squash and knee-high weeds.

I made it to my second meeting today. had to walk a mile and a half each way, which was actually kinda nice except for the pounding heart and sweating like crazy. I had to walk past a 7-eleven where I go for booze and decided to pick my girls up some ice cream. I was incredibly tempted but didn't buy anything, and am just going to try to avoid those places

Tomorrow I get to tell my landlord I'll be short again for a few weeks. Hope I don't start crying, but that seems to happen on pretty much an hourly basis or pretty much when anyone looks at me.

I havent gotten more than two or three hours of sleep since yesterday morning, worked my butt off outside, got a 3 mile walk in, have meditated and tea'd. Still no sleep for cuppycakes.

Thanks for reading.