jealousy
Mine has used that against me often to get me to accept or do things that I really am not ready to do. The fear is of "losing him" yet the irony is, I never really had him, and I now feel that what I have really lost is me.
Why do I see myself as less precious than he is?
I am also trying to figure out why I am jealous of a woman who would accept him in his current state. (?)
I have printed out a lot of 12 step literature and information from this site. I am so grateful it is there. I am also grateful that I have good friends and a loving family. They have all been so supportive of me.
I am working on detachment today, and seek to apply myself to getting me and my life back together. I am waking up to the fact that I have really had some denial going for me (He can't really be doing this to me, he said he loved me, we had all our beautiful plans, goals, dreams and family!)
I keep thinking if I can find the right combination of words he will stop doing what he is doing. Talk about trying to control another. Much as it hurts, I am accepting that he is doing this and is going to keep doing this. My job is to decide who I am and who I want to be in relationship to it.
I can't tell you how thankful I am that all of you are there with support and understanding. I thought that God had deserted me, I am also waking up to the fact that he/she hasn't, and all of you have helped.
Thank you