I am going through a very similar thing. He uses jealousy (mine) to manipulate me and I fall for it even more than with guilt. I don't sleep cause I know they're honeymooning in our bed. And I am SICK over it. So, I'll be following this closely. The sane part of me realizes that since I stopped taking care of him and he's in trouble now, on house arrest for a dui, he's just showing me that he can find someone else to take care of him, and I told him that finding a new enabler wasn't a way to get well but they are all into the happy ever after story. But if nothing else I am hard headed enough not to re-volunteer and compete to be a better enabler than she is.
And I notice as I spend time in the forums today taht what I think is MY story is really ALL ABOUT HIM.