Welcome back Dalouie
I dunno - I'm a smart guy too - but I believed I was so smart I could beat the odds and manage, somehow, to gain control of my drinking.
No ones that smart - not when alcohol owns you the way it did me.
Accepting that changed everything for me.
It's not about intelligence. Its a visceral thing...I craved drinking.
I needed to break that cycle for good. Abstinence worked for me.
D