I want to cry after typing all that out. Cry, because I do not *want* to stop drinking. That is my struggle. I really need to find a way to want it, and to reconcile that and feel happy and new about it.
I can get through a month or two at times, even as much as 4-5, once, and my pregnancies, etc... but always knowing I will celebrate that with a glass of wine in the end. I usually rally up some strength when I know I have a check up or bloodwork to do for my cholesterol and diabetes, or for my liver panel. I need to find a different motivation. Something that does not have an end, where I feel like I deserve something. Or maybe I need a new reward.
