So, I have failed again at staying sober. Back to drinking a bottle of wine at a time, though not daily. Really seeing how I have no control once I start, even if I tell myself it will be just a glass or two. I need to be sober for my health. The drinking is not overwhelming my life outwardly, but destroying me inwardly. Thinking about it all the time and wanting to drink, not wanting to drink, trying not to drink, because I just know I am healthier without it.
The struggle I need to overcome is living with a drinker and socializing with drinkers and a drinking extended family. I want to be sober, and wish we could do it together. he will never give up drinking beer. I do notice he cuts down if I do, and he ramps up when I am back to drinking as well. I feel like if I were in a bubble, I could do it.
Anyway, I realize I need support. A place to come when I am craving a drink where you all can talk me out of it in the moment. I really enjoy drinking wine, but I do not feel well when I do. I wake in the night and get insomnia and anxiety, and the racing heart. And I cannot stop at 2 glasses, which would take care of that. My problem is when I "quit" i think i always have a thought in my head that it is for awhile, not forever.
I need to get to it being forever.
Anyway, I thought about registering a new name, but figured I am being more honest with everyone and myself coming here as my original user name. Here is my walk of shame.
Last night, I had about a bottle and a half of wine, and eventually dumped out the last glass, knowing I had too much and would have a restless night. I actually feel okay this morning. Just a bit tired. Guess I will jump start the September group tomorrow, or if it is up and running today.
I have actually been on a healthy eating kick, and this seems like a good time to take the next natural step. I have lost a few pounds, given up brains, especially wheat, and feel good. Last night was a binge, wine *and* potato chips! Bleh! But they are grain free, lol.
Hoping to run into some old friends and get some love and support.
Thanks for reading.