It happened to me to.
There is a way out but you have to want it above all else.
I had done the hospitals, the treatment, and had all manner of 'rock bottoms'.
Finally, i just knew that it was never going to be any better or any different.
Just more of the same misery and a rapid (in the end) descent to more illness and eventually a slow painful death.
I had to decide what i wanted. Did i really want to die never knowing who i truly was and what my potential for good might be?
No, i didn't.
I surrendered.
Guess the penny finally dropped.
I wish you well.
Be safe.
G