new beginnings--I am here to tell you that you WILL get over it. I did; countless others on this forum did---therefore, I know you can and will.
I think you are absolutely right--that you are grieving the fantasy that you had for such a long time. And, yes, grief takes it's own time--but, it does. finally pass. Hell, we even miss our enemies. for a while, after they leave!!! (LOL).
I think you have already started to detach in some ways, already. I believe that the very most important thing for you, now, is to continue you detachment work and work on building your own self up. The way to rid your life of the abuse and manipulation and lies is to build your own self up and take back your own power.
Go to alanon--and also, see what the dv counselors have as resources for you--especially employment and job training. (read my past posts about reaching out for the help that is there).
I am so glad to see you back!!! Actually, I don't blame you for not trusting him.
Do you know who you can trust?---YOU!!!!
By the way, "co-dependent no more helped me sooo much".
dandylion