Fishy

Snail mail is the old fashioned posting mail and being delivered by post.

Day 5 forme is almost over. I went to another AA meeting today and was really looking forward to going to another one tonight and in the morning (dawn overlooking the beach meeting would have been nice) as my kids usually see their dad on Friday nights for a sleep over. He is not having them so I am really quite upset as I was building up to speaking at the one tonight if asked. I just have to wait until Tuesday now.

Part of why I drink is because of severe stress. So I am trying to just build a bridge and get over the fact I can not go. It is hard when I am missing my partner so much too. I just want him so so much. I can see him on steam playing a computer game and wish he would just message me and say he loves me or even anything. I need to keep busy to distract myself from him but now it is the weekend so that will not happen.

I really needed to go to aa tonight. I feel like crying because I can't. I am determined to stay sober for me and to fight for my partner. He makes it so hard. He is there on steam playing games and I can see that he is online and he knows I know and still will not talk to me. If he just told me he was dumping me it would be easier then all this mind games.