My main issue was anger during those months. Angry because I felt my plight had been forgotten. I was out of "immediate danger", and a lot of my close friends took this to mean I was "fixed". But worse yet, were the pressures I was putting on myself. You see, I was wondering why I was still feeling broken and having hard times. I was wondering why I was still struggling. I thought I'd have this thing licked by now. I thought I'd have found a new job, had a girlfriend, and have risen from the ashes.
But I was still struggling. And I was pushing myself. I was waiting for "my reward" (I still do once in a while) and wondering why I wasn't a huge success by now. And I could not figure out for the life of me what to do about it!
So I got angry. Real angry. And then I slipped. I didn't take a drink, no no. I sought solace by taking a puff of marijuana. Like the addict I am, I reasoned I could still "have some fun" once in a blue moon by dipping into that same old tired stash I'd always kept in my drawer. I'd kept it in that drawer all these months for some reason - I think I subconsiously thought of it as a safety blanket. But something clicked, and all of a sudden I was like a kid on Christmas morning when I opened up that baggie. This was going to be fun, I thought. Time for my reward. I had no concept of how dangerous this was.
You see, I was searching for relief...and, like the addict I am, I turned to drugs. No need to lie here: I continued to post on SR during that time and preached against marijuana use. I was careful never to say I was clean from it - just discouraged others from using. Ugh.
I came to my senses and have stopped that nonsense. I'm 100% drug and alcohol free now. But that dip back into smoking could have easily led me into a cross-addiction and back down a really dark hole. My reward for that little experiment was a whole mini-withdrawl and everything. Could have been way worse. The seed was planted around my 6th month, germinated and finally led to me smoking weed around my 8th-9th month. Hope that helps you. Stay vigilant.