joy2every1

I don't want to do a medical detox. I don't want it to be permanently on my medical record that I am an alcoholic. I also don't want to die of alcoholism and continue drinking. I believe that if I truly want to make a change, I can do it (I did it with a severe opiate addiction). I might fail multiple times, but I am determined to make a change and not wallow in my liquid despair. Even with my lifelong struggle (I'm 40) with alcohol, I have managed to stop for significant periods of time (in excess of a year). I'm committed to doing it again. I have never been so worried about the physiological impact that self-detoxing would make on my body, but this time I am truly afraid. I really hope someone actually reads this and is willing to respond with any words of encouragement or support.

It has taken me until this moment for me to figure out that I need to stop drinking. Sure, I've said it hundreds and thousands of times. Then, in the last year or so, I've finally resolved "I AM AN ALCOHOLIC" and that gave me a newfound freedom to just stop worrying about starting or stopping. About six months ago, I was diagnosed with chronic Hepatitis C genotype 1B. Back in April of this year, I finally had a liver biopsy. Two weeks ago, my doctor finally managed to read my report correctly (he forgets who I am every time I have an appointment and makes mistakes constantly when discussing my medical history). At the beginning of the appointment, he told me that I could wait for another year or so to start treatment and there would be more medication options to help me clear the virus or put it into remission. He asked if I had a liver biopsy and that made me want to wring him around the neck. I've been in there almost biweekly since APRIL! So he looks at the pathology reports and determines that he had overlooked how bad my condition was and that I am currently between Stage 3 and 4 (end stage liver disease) with steatosis and bridging fibrosis and insisted that this was my only window of opportunity and that I must start a 48 WEEK triple therapy of Incivek, peg-Interferon and Ribavirin IMMEDIATELY (for those of you that aren't familiar - THIS IS CHEMOTHERAPY). I am already in severely poor health condition. I have severe malabsorption syndrome (due to a total of 6 GI surgeries for small bowel obstructions and resections), non-specified seizure disorder, IBS, chronic nausea and vomiting, etc., etc. For anyone that chronically abuses alcohol like I do, obviously, I am making the problem rapidly worse. I think my GI specialist is overlooking my health history, and I still am unable to admit to my health providers that I abuse alcohol in large quantities daily. My liver and pancreas hurt every day. My skin burns and I feel disoriented. I can tell the alcohol is definitely making this worse. Typically I drink between 1/2 pint to 1-1/2 pints of 100 proof vodka daily. Some days, when I become depressed about my drinking, I might skip a period of 12-18 hours, or I might drink 2-3 beers and feel like I've made a huge cut back. It needs to change now though. I was hospitalized for surgeries and rehabilitation from them two years ago (total period of nine months). At the end I lived in assisted living facility. Towards the last part of it, when I resumed driving, I started bringing alcohol into my room. So, I have not stopped drinking since about September 2011. Before that hospitalization I was drinking up to 1/2 pint (3 pints on binge days) for approximately 2 years. Prior to that I was in recovery from opiate addiction and drank occasionally (once every week or two, maybe a half a bottle of wine). I started my drinking career when I was about 11 or 12, and have gone back and forth from no use at all, to it just being a weekend thing (with small to moderate consumption), spattered with 6 months to 2 years of daily excessive drinking. I have never stopped cold turkey during such a heavy period, but it also looks like tapering might not work. As of this moment, 3PM, I have not had a drink in 13 hours, and yesterday, just 3 beers.