Thanks for you kind response, Kindeyes. I feel that by putting that out there, the sharks will come out to blast me.
Here's the rub for me. Even when I had constant contact with my son years ago (he lived with me, stopped by, whatever), I can count on one hand the number of times I saw him high/drunk/under the influence or found evidence of anything. I have said for years that my son has a drug problem ONLY because of the screwy behavior and problems that he has... Since I no longer have contact with him, I have no clue what his drug/alcohol pattern is or even if it exists any more. I know he is living with the consequences of bad choices, and it makes sense to me that he is still using; but without confirmation, I really do find myself waffling.
It amazes me when I read the posts on here where the parent knows their adult child's drug of choice, when they last used, where they were at when they used, their drug use history, etc. My experience has been the total opposite.
I have been coming to this site for years, and for now this is where I belong. But I sometimes wonder if I will get a call from the hospital where a physician will tell me my son has a documented traumatic brain injury sustained years ago (from playing high school football, some fight he had been in, etc), and that is why he is the way he is. Sadly, that is a scenario that makes sense to me, also.