Originally Posted by
smadams11 
i just want to be the way i was
when i thought with a clear mind and lived for life, instead of living for booze
So why not try "needing" this? When you need this more than you need a drink, you'll be able to move forward.
Looks like it might be close to midnight where you are and you already started drinking tonight. . . . Find a camera and film yourself. Just blather on about how much you needed to drink tonight, let it all out. Then watch that tomorrow. I'm just throwing this out there as a radical idea.