I wanted to say a big thanks for everything you've said, it cheered me up immensely when I read them, all the comments on here made perfect sense to me, but because I doubt myself so much I tend to think I'm "wrong".
ACOAHappyNow, I think you are correct in saying I'm disturbing my friend's denial, I'd forgotten she was married to an alcoholic for nearly 20 years and had children, maybe that's also why she gets uncomfortable when I mention the effect my upbringing has had on me.
Tromboneliness, your comments made me smile. I was once told to get off the pity pot in AA when I was new as I shared I couldn't handle all my feelings about childhood issues now I was sober. Luckily, there was a guy there who was kind and told people to feel compassion, he was always a big help to me. I will definitely go to ACOA for the work I need to do.
Kialua, my brother thinks my elder sister will do the same as yours e.g. not much. I will read the stickies above, as I can't ignore my upbringing and need to talk about it with people who get it.
Thanks again.