Nervous Breakdown
I know that the response I am going to get is "what are you doing for you" and "are you seeing a therapist/going to meetings". So before I ramble on about my problems, let me say that I am seeing a therapist. I am reading daily and trying to do me the best I can.
OK...as many know, my husband was in jail last month for stealing pills from his aunt. The case was dismissed and he was let go 2 weeks after turning himself in. We are waiting for charges to be filed any day in the county we live in due to him stealing checks from my mother. We know they are coming, and he has an attorney that is trying to help him avoid having felony theft charges on his permanent record. Well, this morning, I found out that the charges that were dismissed last month have been picked up by the county and he has been indicted on 4 charges of felony theft of drugs. I was not expecting this and it has taken all the wind out of my sails. I feel like when things start to look up, we get slammed back into the reality of what his drug use has done to us.
I am trying to be strong for myself and I know that I didn't do any of this. How do you not worry about it all? He is my husband and I want him to be able to get a job and provide for his family but his poor choices are making that impossible. I guess I am heartbroken because I know he is trying to get his act together and I am scared that it is too late. I am scared that I am going to end up having to take my kids to see their dad in prison and the effect that will have on them for the rest of their lives. He is a good person with a demon that took years of his life and I just am feeling so lost. I know there is nothing I can do but take care of me and the kids, but I am TERRIFIED. I am so mad and hurt because I didn't do any of this, yet I am suffering horribly because of it.
How do you you live your life when it is in such utter chaos? I am sorry this is so scattered, I am just completely lost and need to vent. Please refrain from bashing me for staying with my husband when he couldn't stand by himself. That is a choice I made and I don't need the negativity thrown my way.
I appreciate your thoughts and time. Thanks.