First a little background, my dad was alcoholic, my brother is a heroin addict (currently on a legal methadone program, his addict wife committed suicide because of her addiction), my brother in law is an alcoholic and my 20 something year old son is an alcoholic/addict (currently in recovery).
I don't wish to be argumentative, but I do have another point of view. If you, as a non-addict, but co-dependent, trust for one minute your "feelings" in these situations you are making a grave, grave mistake. They will get you and the addict/alcoholic in trouble and/or delay the recovery process for you and the addict every time.
The instinct for survival that God planted in each one of us is very, very strong. You have to be willing to trust in it and trust in Him.
The facts are these and here is reality: the vast majority of addicts, if the disease is not arrested, end up in one of three places -- jail, an institution, or dead. Until the addict/alcoholic hits their rock botton, they can be prepared for sobriety, but they will not change and the instinct to survive will not be triggered. Once triggered, the individual has a very, very significant and personal choice to make -- do I want to live or do I want to die.
We can worry ourselves silly and let our lives be ruined and wasted, or we can chose another route -- for ourselves and others that depend upon us.
Playing the "softy" in these matters does not work, or at least it never, ever worked for me.