Groundhog Day
Good Morning all,
I'm posting from the UK and it's 8.30 am here. I found this website from a recovery book I was reading and have woken up steely determined today to kick this habit that is dragging me down.
I guess I am what you would call a 'functioning alcoholic'. I can 'get by' professionally, financially, in my relationships and other areas of my life while continuing my bottle and a half of wine a night habit (more if at a social gathering and sometimes just at the weekends in the house) but I am sick and tired of 'getting by'. I guess it's time to stop behaving like an adolescent (i'm 37 and have 3 children fgs!) and grow up a bit. I need to bring my future in close and get some impulse control.
My drinking history started at about 15. Every weekend myself and my girlfriends would drink and usually throw up. Through College I drank socially and then after I had my first child and didn't go out so much it was limited to wine in the house...first of all at the weekends and now every single night. I guess it took 10 years to get to this point. I suppose I should also mention that alcoholism runs in my family - my mother died of liver failure a couple of years back (and that STILL hasn't stopped me!). By the way - not mentioning the family thing as an excuse - it's just something I am aware of. I've managed to kick before -the longest time is 6 weeks, but I always go back - even though I'm aware that each time I do it I feel more alive and capable than when I am poisoning my body night after night. So I'm here to get a bigger arsenal to combat alcohol. Another thing to mention is that I'm not physically addicted (very luckily for me) so I just need to get myself psychologically prepared.
My next job is to write a big long list of all the things I can do instead! It's not just the booze and what goes with it I'm sick of. It's always thinking about ways to justify drinking to myself. It's like I'm fighting an internal tug of war and its time to let go.
Bye for now,
Vicky