so I'm totally pissed off right now. I'm so damn sick and tired of going on facebook and never receiving any likes or anything. I'm super sick of having people just dodge me and treat me like I'm some piece of **** all because i got into Opiates. Like **** I had no clue what they we're i was 17 and was completely unaware of them yet society still blames the addict. Hell even my Mom seems to be fed up and that's my own ******* Mom. I'm sick of having noone to talk to. I'm sick of being depressed oover this **** and I'm sick of feeling like I'm surrounded by a bunch of ignorant assholes who really just don't give a ****. I'm tired as **** of it all and i just want it to end. It gives me mad cravings for **** ATM. But wtf can i do you know? I feel like I'm on my own and it reminds me of that part of the Bible where jesus was crucified and noone in the Bible would talk to him. Here I am alone as **** without nobody. I ******* hate it yo. To boot I'm up to 5mgs of Clonazepam a day. At first I thought it would help because I was on 4mgs before all this. On 4mgs I wasn't able to let all this **** out and i bottled a lot up, which ended up in me being in severe rage(especially right after my grandpa died which wasn't that long ago). . I've been through so much that my grandpa died and it took like 10 coldplay songs to make myself cry. It was rediculous and made me feel like a monster. So I upped my dose to 5mgs a day in total thinking it would help, but now here i am letting all this **** out and it only makes me feel like a piece of crap or more depressed because it's **** off of my chest that I have to hear which depresses me more, especially when i got noone to help me out or coach me or whatever you wanna call it. It's like I'm talking to a wall or to myself and I'm totally sick of it. It's like day 68 without Methadone. The only thing I'm on is Clonazepam (prescribed). And I keep having nitrous cravings because i keep thinking it's the safest thing. So that's where I'm at. Yeah the physical withdrawals are still over. but i still got all those burnt bridges. I still have trust issues with the whole god damn universe. For some reason i feel like some people wanna see me fail. Like I literally don't use **** because i can't handle comedowns and sometimes i feel like because of that people who do use certain **** wanna see me fail. I ******* hate it. I hate having noone to talk to. It's gotten to the point where I feel like beinding my no relationship rule for a the firs year of recovery just so i can have someone and not feel like such an alien. I'm sick of this **** completely. I guess I just needed to put that out there. I need some form of help but I don't know where to look. I got a permenanent record. Getting a jobs hard. I need money. I need to pay off my debts. It's all a big load. And to boot I'm sketched over certain things because of how things turned out while i was using for all those years. This is the longest I've been clean from opiates/Opioids and I don't know how to take it really in all honesty. I'm struggling and I don't know if everyone around me realises just how much. I'm sick of being alone and having to be so independent and always pull myself up. I'm sick of the highs and lows. Completely. Anyone out there at all? ****. FML. I feel like people forget that I'm a person or something you know? It doesn't matter how much **** I've been through, I still got feelings...