Hello and welcome.
Don't beat yourself up over your relapse. Being sober isn't a contest. It doesn't matter If you have been sober 2 days or 20 years, it's all the same. Don't think of it as "forever", don't think about next week, month or next year. When it comes to alcohol or drugs just make it through today. I relapsed many many times both with alcohol and drugs and I've been sober for nearly 15 years now so it's not the end. I believe that we can start our lives over at any point at any time. If it doesn't work out then just start over again. I know it's not a reset or anything and you shouldn't forget your past but neither should you beat yourself up over it. We're all only human and we all make mistakes.
I think it's great that you really want to get sober. Recognizing that you have a problem and asking for help is the hardest single step there is. I'm not saying that everything else is going to be easy but you've already done the hard part. Just make sure that you want to be sober for YOU. I know it sounds selfish but it really isn't. Because if you can't be right with yourself and where you need to be then it's hard to be there completely for those that you love.
Just keep talking to others about alcoholism. Ask for help if you need it. Go to a AA/NA meeting or speak to a professional counselor. Just don't try to do it alone. The relief and help you can get from talking to other alcoholics is immense and you offer them something as equally important, the same exact thing. It's amazing how it works. It doesn't matter if you've been sober for 2 minutes, you just talking to another alcoholic helps them just as much as it helps you.
Also try and find what your triggers might be, try to recognize them and what causes them. If it's social settings or certain places then maybe try avoiding them for a while. Finding your triggers and developing coping tools and resources can go a very long way in your recover. But most importantly don't be afraid to ask for help. If you feel the urge to drink, don't keep silent. Talk to someone, come here, go to another site, got to a meeting, just tell someone.
I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need to talk we are here for you. Congratulations on being sober today - that is the only day that really counts.
