Vale: definitely "words of wisdom" sounds a lot better
but the truth is that it is impossible to be wise without having lived some things, and part of the deal of life is getting some painful moments along with the good ones, and learn about it all and share it with the world like you do. So thanks for that!
I, like you, couldn't see what was obvious and what everybody could see I was doing with my life. Sometimes it is hard to accept that things are in no way what we want them to be and that the idea that we have of life or a relationship sometimes is a lot different from reality. But it is good that it didn't take me a lot more years, pain, bruises, to realize it.
Pinkdog: thanks very much! I am finally starting to take care of myself after all this years of worrying mainly about him and forgetting who I was. I wrote him a long letter explaining why I took the decisions I took, telling him that even if he blamed me in the past for relapsing and at one time I believed him, now I know better; and that right now I am finally taking control over my destiny and that one day he should do the same. I also mentioned that if he needs a drive to rehab or to put his life together after that, I can be his friend and he can send me a message through his son, whom I still talk to sometimes.
overit263: Thank you for your words and I am also sorry for everything you went through and your divorce. You are right, we romanticize everything and forget easily all the bad moments. I still do that sometimes but also the last time I talked to him he came clean in some things he did while he was with me, like using drug prostitutes, lying about being clean when he was not, stealing, etc, all the normal for some addicts I think, but I know it isn't half of the reality.
I know I can't be in contact with him at all, and I will make it happen even if I have to sit on my hands
I will recover from this, it will be hard but I know I can do it.