Now, do I call the physiolgists office and tell them he has started a program with the methadone clinic? Or do I just stay out of it, and if this addict dies, there is nothing I can/could/should/would do about it?
Oh my goodness, what mess. I can see why you're so torn and why you just can't figure out the right way to handle this situation. On the one hand, you would be an enabler to help him through this latest crisis, but on the other hand, due to his active addiction, he's in no shape mentally, emotionally, or physically to handle the situation himself and make sound decisions on his own.
So, basically you're torn between deciding what's the right thing to do for your husband and what's the best thing to do for yourself. My alcoholic boyfriend has been drinking for 40 years. Before he joined AA a month ago, his disease had progressed to a point where he was almost never sober. It took a terrible toll on his health and a terrible toll on my family.
If you recall, we had been dating for 22 years but until the last 2 years, we maintained separate homes. Well, about 2 months after moving in with me he began to lose weight rapidly--85 pounds in about 3 months to be exact. He is 6' tall and his normal weight is 225. Now he was weighing in at around 140. I suspected diabetes, but he refused to go to the doctor. After urging him to get help for months, one day he became so weak that he couldn't walk up the two steps from the garage into our house.
I felt like I was watching him kill himself. I knew I shouldn't interfere and I should let him fall, but I also couldn't step back and watch someone who was now incapable of taking care of himself die. So I made him a doctor's appointment and stopped at the doctor's office on the way to work the next morning and said, "Get out. You have a doctor's appointment and I'm not taking you to work until you go." Just as I suspected, he was diagnosed with diabetes--diabetes brought on by his alcoholism I later learned. Alcohol inhibits the pancreas' ability to produce insulin, so the combination of alcoholism and diabetes is a nasty one. He began to take insulin and was warned to stop drinking. Of course, he couldn't do that. So, because he was still actively drinking his doctor was unable to stabilize his sugar. He also refused to change his diet and his health continued to decline.
Then one morning when I got up for work I found him sleeping on the couch. He was sweating profusely, so I took the blanket off of him, only to find that he had urinated all over himself and the couch. I tried to wake him up, but he was unresponsive. I called 911 and told them I thought he was in diabetic shock. Paramedics arrived and found his sugar way too low. They administered a dose of glucacon and he quickly came around. You'd think this would be wake-up call, but he didn't change his behavior.
A few weeks later his ankles began to swell. I warned him that this is a sign of congestive heart failure (also caused by long-term alcoholism) and he should make an appointment with his doctor. Again, he refused. Without medical help, he began to retain so much fluid that he could no longer bend his legs. Excess fluid was building up around his heart and he was constantly out of breath and becoming increasingly weak. When it got to the point where he could hardly walk without assistance, once again, I made him a doctor's appointment and stoped in front of the building and said, "Get out. I've made you an appointment."
The doctor sent him immediately to a cardiologist, who sent us immediately to the emergency room. He was treated, given medications for congestive heart failure and fluid retention, and released. Another close call.
Think that was enough? No way. He continued to drink, so his diabetes continued to take a toll on him. He was urinating constantly, drinking huge amounts of water, and he was becoming very weak and unsteady. I begged him to go back to the doctor but he refused. So, you know the drill. I made a doctor's appointment for him and said, "Get out. I've made you a doctor's appointment." The doctor took his blood sugar. It was 800!!! Once again, we rushed to the ER, they were able to stabilize him.
Now, the question is was I being an enabler and should I have let him fall on his own? Or was I helping someone who was so lost in his addiction that he could no longer take care of himself? This weighed very heavy on my mind, as it is now weighing heavy on your mind. I did alot of soul-searching. Was I doing the right thing by getting him medical attention or would it be better to let him handle the situation, even if his way of handling it was not to handle it at all?
One evening when I was at my wits end, I tearfully prayed for guidance. And the strangest thing happened. I felt an amazing feeling of warmth come over me and I had the strangest feeling that I was being hugged. And then I received my answer: "Do whatever you feel is necessary, so that if your boyfriend were to succumb to his addiction, that you will feel certain that you did everything in your power to help him." Is that codie behavior? Could be. But is it really codie behavior to help someone who's addiction has made him mentally, physically, and emotionally unable to help himself? That's what you have to decide.
My advice to you is forget whether it's codie behavior or not, ask your HP for guidance and then do whatever you feel is right. Great big hugs to you, Wraybear.