I have found it best to work with WHAT IS and not what IF....right now you are still putting HIM in charge....what IF he NEEEEEEEDS me - aka and then I get to be the hero....what if he magically transforms into Mr. wonderful and then all MY effort will be worth it and I will be validated.
takes time hon. bit by bit, step by step. then the occasional leap. we are like those really BIG telescopes focused on things a billion light years away...and then suddenly we are supposed to focus on the robin on the windowsill.....