Sadly that is the truth, when I look at things from the non-emotional perspective, the good moments were few and they were greatly outnumbered by the hell I choose to live next to him.
But still (and risking to sound like an idiot) he gets me every time he contacts me and the main reason I haven't blocked him is because in my mind there is the "what if he really wants urgent help at any moment? or what if he recovers and finally that wonderful man I fell in love is finally back?"
The wishful thinking is winning over me, I know those things are very unlikely to happen if not impossible. And I know I finally have to take the decision of pushing those "block" buttons and finally make him dissapear along with his drugs from my life. But then, why can't I be stronger and do it right away and stop wishing for miracles? I should know better by now.