Addiction vs habit vs compulsion
Addiction - continued involvement with an activity, chemical or substance despite ongoing negative consequences.
Habit - related action or behavior that may be unconscious.
Compulsion - discomfort is experienced if a behavior is not performed.
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Holy cow? I don't stand a chance! Lol .... but then I look back..... And.....
As I have come to accept that I am an alcoholic and an addict I have spent periods of time where I was convinced of one thing or another. Almost anything i could come up with but the reality.
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For instance - 3pm - any day ... does not matter - I tell myself this is the time I drink. Very matter of fact. Ken drinks at three. I have a habit of doing this daily so I never suspected anything more sinister than that's just what I do at that time. Much like I wash the dishes after I eat.
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Ever get that Sunday feeling? The Sunday feeling is when I feel this uncomfortableness about Monday. Either I was drunk and feel shame. I know I may not be sober when I leave for work Monday morning. I acted like a damn fool at the bar. But somehow Sunday evenings have a feel all their own. I get uncomfortable. So I drink more.
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I was arrested during my DUI. I wasn't supposed to drive that night. My partner was. But he got to drunk and I was the least drunk. That makes no sense since drunk is drunk.... But off we went.
I have been warned at every job I have had in the last ten years about controlling my use of sick time or calling in on vacation.... Yet I rode the line and knew when to pull back just enough. Then I did it again.
I have lost friends and family to drinking. I lost my childhood to drinking. My deepest relationship.
Yet I refused to use the word addiction. Compulsion and habit seemed more comforting. Less like something was wrong.
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I am an addict. I have learned to unconfuse things a bit. (I know that's not a word but it fits)
I have habits that I do grocery shopping on Saturday mornings. It would be odd for me to go Wednesday because I always do it Saturday. No need to change anything. Saturday works just fine.
I have a compulsion to keep my house tidy and everything in its place. If I don't do this I cannot relax. OCD? Perhaps but it hurts no one and I feel better.
If I have a single drink.... I will have 10 or 20. Then I order drugs. That is no habit. No compulsion. It is a damn addiction. I don't hide it under any other name these days.
That's why I am here.
K