Originally Posted by lrntolive

MK - I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. My heart goes out to you.

Trust me when I say that I understand because even though I am experiencing some healing now, it hasn't always been the case. My world was dark and gray for the 2 1/2 years I was clean. I was taking pain meds for about 13 years on a daily basis when I quite last time. I relapsed about 6 months ago and realized that I would end up dying from this if I didn't stop. But I didn't think stopping would save me either because the thought of going back to how I felt clean wasn't an option. I felt pretty hopeless.
And there wasn't anything that anyone could say to me that would make it better. And when others talked about how they saw the world anew - it pissed me off. I thought they were lying to themselves. Or that I was just deeply damaged with no chance of repair. Those were some pretty dark times and I am surprised that I am here today if I am honest with you.
But you can and will see the world anew. It happened for me yesterday and I don't know how or why. It isn't my willpower or a positive frame of mind, it just is. The ONLY thing I did was to put one foot of the other and dragged myself through each day. I cannot explain it but I will be eternally grateful for this renewed outlook on life. A chance to really live life not struggle through each day wishing I was dead. I know I am NOT in the clear. But I have hope now and that is everything. I am still feeling physically like crap but I am ALIVE. And I want to LIVE. I haven't been able to say that for many years.

I don't know when or how it will happen for you but I feel pretty confident in saying that it will happen - eventually. SEEK and YOU WILL FIND.