Solosweat

Today is day 26. In January, just to make sure I could do it, I stopped drinking for 25 days, but it was with the intent of drinking again, just slowing down.

This time is different. This time is to change my life. Each day is some crazy new WELCOME banner, but the one thing that is still lurking is this bizarre anxiety.

So many people on this forum have written about the same thing and that it will go away, but in my heart I have this little fear. What if it doesn't? I want to go to the doctor, but I want to wait until I really know that the alcohol is GONE. GONE GONE.

I drank alot. I know everyone thinks they drank alot. But man, I drank ALOT.

I feel better for sure. I mean I really feel better. The overall panic of having to drive to work hung over, to go out to public settings and not be fully drunk, all of that is gone. But this weird little anxiety, a small feeling...gnawing in the afternoons and evenings. I need for it to go away.

I need to be my old self again, but I have been so far away from my true self for so long, I don't know what that is anymore.

I think I am having an internal pity party for myself. Loser.

I wonder about 28 days. What is the significance? There is a movie 28 days about rehab. People go to rehab for 28 days. Zombies come in 28 days. What is it going to be for me?

I know I will be proud of myself. I know my wife will be proud of me. I will get up Saturday morning and be beaming, I made it to 28 days! I will go to the gym, we will go have breakfast and I will look forward to my next goal.

I will have made it 28 days, surely I can make it to the end of August. I need this anxiety to go away. Far away. Out of my heart, mind and stomach.