Welcome m2jp. Your recovery starts with your decision to start it, hopefully sooner than later. In general I/we need to get and stay honest with ourselves as there are things in our mind that can lie to us. Like: it wasn’t that bad, I won’t drink XXXX anymore, wait till tomorrow, not now the weekend is near, a drink will make me feel better and on and on. It’s not a complicated process we just don’t pick up the first drink. Then the discovery process of discovering really why we drank. For most it was escaping our feelings. Good luck.