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08-21-2013, 12:48 PM

# 14 (permalink)

EndGameNYC

EndGame

Join Date: Jun 2013

Location: New York, NY

Posts: 4,677

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nuudawn

Forgive me...but there is something not serious enough sounding when you post about your relapses..there is somehow too much "ah well" tone. Are you angry at sobriety?? It almost feels like you are looking for comfort with bands of relapsers than long term sober folk. I just can't help feeling like there is something you are not looking at. What is it?

Brilliant. Later on, Pamel fills in some of the significant blanks to which you alluded. This thread has become disturbing for me to follow.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pamel

I am fighting a battle with the "Could-ofs, should-ofs, would-ofs" and trying to resolve it. 40+ years ago I was part of a suicide (I think) of the man I was supposed to marry. Had I done differently, I "might" have had the life of my dreams. But, of course, life takes many twists and turns, so who knows?

I am still grieving, and, of course, living in the past. Not good. Logging back on here is a step in the right direction, and for that, I am grateful.

Pamel: You're mourning the death of the man you were supposed to marry, and what for you was your predetermined future. Once he was gone, and the future you imagined you would have with him, why bother doing anything? Why try to make anything better in your life when it only ends in death? Loss? Grief?

Obviously, 40+ years is a very long time to live in mourning or grief; or stay frozen in your past. You can't work through these traumatic events unless and until you actually work through them. None of us "gets over" or makes complete sense of these things. Seems as though what you've experienced accounts in part for your sense of resignation, and your apparent desire to commiserate with others in similar situations.

Misery doesn't love company; it loves miserable company. And, by itself, this rarely brings us to a better place.

It doesn't seem that this is the way out for you. Time to try something different.