Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
To me, ignoring that her behavior made you uncomfortable was passive, then moving away & ignoring her was silently aggressive. I think when we hear aggressive we think loud, obnoxious, etc, but to me it means using actions in place of words when its combined with passive communication.
I think she had the wrong idea about the date-not date thing & got confused when her expectations weren't met.
As a woman who is out in the dating world again - I'm with Firesprite on this one. It was a passive-aggressive maneuver on your part to communicate this way, versus being up-front and direct with your expectations. She obviously thought this was a date. And think about how you asked her to begin with. Were you clear on your plans of "just hanging out as friends?"
I can't help but wonder if this isn't about codependency as much as it is about doing something wrong (but not intentionally). You feel that sense of "guilt" or responsibility toward her because you may very well have caused the confusion to begin with by not being clear on what you thought this was going to be. And she got the wrong idea, you got super uncomfortable, she got her feelings hurt, nothing was ever acknowledged, and now you feel bad about it. I'm sure she feels like an idiot now, too, whether or not she acted inappropriately with her touchy-feely behavior.
To me, this is normal, and its part of the dating dance. Learning how to communicate directly with someone we don't know well is challenging! Being able to clearly articulate one's expectations right up front is a skill that we have to learn. And there are ways to handle this with grace and diplomacy too, but again, its a skill to invite someone close but set clear boundaries at the same time.
Either way - do you owe her anything? That's up to you to decide. Seems these days, people choose to go the easy route and do the "fade" or "vanish" instead of saying anything. And it seems universally accepted, even though I don't follow that practice myself. I prefer to clear up misunderstandings, because even if it doesn't matter to the other person, it matters to me. And I act in accordance to what is important to
me anyway. Plus, if I feel I have sent the wrong signals and confused someone (and I have - its part of the dating dance, as I wrote above) I want to address it and wrap it all up in a nice little bow, so it doesn't hang over my head. I see this not as codependency, but as a form of respect to myself and others.
Anyway - bottom line is dating itself is fraught with complexities, and confusion is often inevitable, and we do the best we can in situations like these (even when your intentions were not to date her). Take it as a learning lesson!