I feel for you and am sorry your AH is acting this way. However, you definitely have nothing to be ashamed of....and if others tell you anything different than that that says more about them than you. And you can get a job - a friend of mine is in her mid 40s and went back to school and became a nurse - anything is possible if you want it bad enough. And your AH can pay for your schooling - as well as the support he owes you and your children - the lawyer others suggested can help you with that for sure. I know it's a bit cliche but I've found it to be so true that when a door closes sometimes the roof blows off and possibilities come flooding in....I know it's hard now but I bet one day you'll look back at this and thank him for the favor, he is opening up a life full of new possibilities for you. And again nothing wrong with getting the help you need to get started.