Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
Again ~speaking for ME~
I think of the fear (i.e. "scared of confrontation") as the root issue, but the behavior covering it as pass/agg. I don't feel badly about the fear, that's worthy of examination & healing.... but the behavior that I use to cover it/hide it/react to it? THAT bothers me & THAT I can choose to change. Bonus when it leads to better communication, firmer boundaries & raised self-esteem sometimes, lol!
This was ESPECIALLY hard for me when dealing with my mom & sister....apparently that was the ONLY way we HAD been interacting & I never truly saw my part of the codependent dance with them!
Thank you so much for this! My behavior really bothers me, and you're spot on that it is passive aggressive. Someone does something to upset me, I don't tell them, and then I avoid them and hurt their feelings.
And like you, it is absolutely the worst with my mother. The last time I tried to deal directly with my mother (something regarding my addict brother), she cried and made other people in my family talk to me on her behalf. My children would have handled the situation better than she did. It was so uncomfortable and upsetting, that I am back to avoiding any confrontation with her whatsoever. I hold so many feelings back when I am with her, that I find myself constantly frustrated, and snappy. I know I can't let her reactions stop me from acting in a way that it right for me, but it is so hard to change.
You really helped me because I think being able to name the way I'm acting is going to help give me the courage to change. The last thing I want to be is passive aggressive. Plus, it's bad for my health!
