Originally Posted by
ZenMe 
So if I had said something to her directly in response to her behavior I would have had to deal with her trying to bargain with me, walking away or go off on me. How do you handle it past that point?
Either way I think I would feel bad because I thought I hurt someone's feelings. I'm going to try to be more upfront when I communicate next time so from my end of things I feel like I have spoken my peace.
There are a lot of assumptions you are making about what would have happened if...and that is what I recognize in myself as a codie trait. Also using phrases like, "I shouldn't have to feel bad about this." From what I have read, no one is making you feel bad about this except you. I am the queen of that.
You might have asked her to back off a bit right away and she might have done so. Or she might have flipped out. Or any number of a million other responses. But none of that happened. Both of you made assumptions and neither of you bothered to set them straight. It is over and like Dandylion so wisely said, no one died. You are feeling bad and I think it is worth exploring what that is about if you feel like you are repeatedly in a position where you wonder if you are letting someone else down when you make choices based on your own comfort and well-being.