Richardswife, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. I am sure that you are a bit in shock, right now. You don't have to solve anything tonight. Your head will be a bit more clear in the morninG.
I think you may be projecting your own feelings of "shame" onto your children. All of this "shame" is misplaced and does not serve you well. Your k ids will need you to be strong and confident---and definitely not ashamed! They will take their lead from you.
Get to an alanon meeting just as soon as you can--you will get lots of support-you need it. right now. Also, you are going to need the help of the dv center--they will not misuse your name. I suggest that you contact them again.
He is being like a typical alcoholic. Maybe he has done you a real favor--but, you just can't appreciate it, fully, right now.
dandylion